We've all been there, tying our self-worth to weight loss, a job title, or a milestone we haven't hit yet. But what if that way of thinking is the very thing keeping you stuck? In this episode, Dr. Kasi Lacey and I get real about why so many high-achieving women struggle with confidence even after doing everything "right." 

Dr. Kasi is a psychologist, keynote speaker, behavior expert, and the author of Your Confidence Comeback. With over 15 years of experience in leadership and human behavior, she brings a powerful blend of psychology, real-world insight, and practical personal growth strategies to every stage she steps on.

We dig into the inner critic (yes, we're naming her), the trap of comparison, and the moment Dr. Kasi walked away from a 13-year career to reclaim her identity. Whether you have young daughters at home or you're a high-performing woman wondering why the success still doesn't feel like enough, this episode is going to hit home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conclusion:

Confidence is never 10 pounds away. It is never found in a promotion, a degree, or a perfect morning routine. It's already inside you. Take one step today: notice your inner critic, name her, and then remind yourself that her voice is not the truth. You are enough, exactly as you are.

 

In This Episode:

00:00 Meet Dr. Kasi Lacey

05:14 Why confidence is an inner work 

07:34 Identity, values, and taming the inner critic

12:25 Comparison, imposter syndrome, and feeling “not enough”

17:49 Taking responsibility to build inner confidence

20:10 How shame and guilt sabotage confidence and health goals

24:04 Why women struggle to slow down and listen to themselves

29:44 The consistency over perfection mindset

36:03 Dr. Kasi’s new book and the idea behind a “confidence comeback"

 

Mentioned in the Episode

Dr. Kasi’s Book, Your Confidence Comeback: https://yourconfidencecomeback.com/  

  

Preorder Carrie’s upcoming book, From Corset to Crown!

Get immediate access to the ebook and other special bonuses at: https://www.carrielupoli.com/corsettocrown  

Carrie’s Live Event in Nashville in October (2026):  https://www.disruptivenutrition.com/liveevent2026

 

Listen to This Episode on Your Favorite Podcast Channel:

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Subscribe and watch on YouTube

 

Connect with Dr. Kasi Lacey:

Website

Instagram

LinkedIn

  

Connect with Carrie Lupoli:

Website

Instagram

Podcast Blog

Other Related Episodes: 

Looking for more tips to optimize your health? Listen to these episodes:

• Why You React the Same Way Every Time (And How to Change It)
• Why Diets Fail and the 6-Step Blood Framework That Works

  

Transcript: 

[00:00:00] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Every thought and every emotion is not gonna be factual. And so that's where we have to, like, take that pause. Like, I envision, like, a stop sign and visualizing that of like, okay, stop. Then I have to slow down and be like, "Okay, what evidence really supports this?" I'm not enough. I think as women right now we get to really change the script and really own our power and our confidence.

[00:00:21] Carrie Lupoli: I hear it all the time, "I wanna lose weight so that I can feel more confident." I hear it about, "I wanna get that job because then I'll feel more confident." But I'm gonna disrupt everything you've been told about confidence. Because what if the reason you don't feel confident had nothing to do with your weight or your job or your success?

[00:00:38] Carrie Lupoli: What if chasing that number, chasing that salary is exactly the thing that's keeping you stuck? Here's the thing that nobody tells us as women. Confidence is not like this destination that you arrive at. It's not something waiting for you 10 pounds from now. And I'm gonna break that illusion wide open today with a woman named [00:01:00] Dr.

[00:01:00] Carrie Lupoli: Casey Lacey. She is an author, a speaker, a psychologist. She's a behavior expert. And so we dive deep into the reason why so many high-achieving women still feel like they're not enough even after they've done everything right. We're talking about the inner critic that still sounds like truth, the invisible pressure that keeps you playing small, and why so many women believe that confidence is gonna, like, magically appear once they arrive at a goal.

[00:01:27] Carrie Lupoli: Spoiler alert, it won't.

[00:01:33] Carrie Lupoli: Well, hey there, Diet Disruptors. Today's episode is all, is going to be about something that women tell me all the time, that if I could just lose weight, I could feel more confident. And so confidence is what we are gonna talk about today. We are joined by my good friend, Dr. Casey Lacey, who has literally the best name there is.

[00:01:53] Carrie Lupoli: I- w- there's no better name than Casey Lacey. But Casey is a keynote speaker, she's a psychologist, [00:02:00] and she's a behavior guru. She helps women all the time really understand what's going on with them, help them be able to gain control, gain confidence, and she doesn't teach them how to do it through a diet, because we know that confidence comes from inside of who you are.

[00:02:20] Carrie Lupoli: So I'm super excited because, like, she's just such a lovely person, but she's also funny. Aw. And she's a great teacher, and she's super engaging. And so, uh, Casey, thank you for being here. I'm very excited about what we're gonna learn from you today. 

[00:02:35] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Oh my gosh, it's such an honor to be here with you. Like, that's such a sweet introduction.

[00:02:39] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I'm like, oh, thank you. Well, you are. I do have a fun name though. 

[00:02:42] Carrie Lupoli: One of the things that we connected on was that my book is called From Corset- Yes ... to Crown. Yes. And I have my crowns all over the place- I love it. Me too ... in my studio. And you were like, "Oh my gosh, I talk about being a confidence queen." 

[00:02:54] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes.

[00:02:55] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. And I like to call myself a crown straightener too, because as women especially, I talk a lot about [00:03:00] leadership as like, the crown gets heavy, and sometimes we need other people there to help support us. So I loved- 

[00:03:05] Carrie Lupoli: Oh, I love that ... when, when I saw your 

[00:03:06] Dr. Kasi Lacey: book and the crowns, I was like, oh, we're meant to be.

[00:03:08] Dr. Kasi Lacey: We are meant to be. 

[00:03:09] Carrie Lupoli: We are meant to be. And I love it 'cause I'm reminding women to put on the crown, and then you're helping straighten that crown. Yes. And it's just such a, it's good synergy. So you know, one of the things that's so funny is that you, you've heard me talk about my kids before, and my daughter Ellie is home from college.

[00:03:23] Carrie Lupoli: But Ellie is 19 years old, almost 20. And when she was three years old, uh, she, we were living in Asia. And we adopted her when she was 10 weeks old. So she is Chinese, but she didn't speak a lick of Chinese, right? And so we were going from Singapore to China to do a mission trip, and she came to Peter and I and said, she's three years old, she says, "When we get to China, I will speak Chinese, because I'm Chinese."

[00:03:47] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Aw. 

[00:03:48] Carrie Lupoli: So she thought that when we landed she would automatically be able to speak Chinese. And of course we looked at each other, my husband and I, and we had a little chuckle, but we didn't, like, burst her bubble. And we go, we, we get on the plane, we [00:04:00] land. And she's so smart. She remembered exactly what she had said, that she was gonna be able to speak Chinese when she landed.

[00:04:04] Carrie Lupoli: And as soon as we landed she goes, "I c- I, I can't speak Chinese." And it was the cutest thing ever. But when I talk to women all the time, and we talk about the journey of weight loss, and we talk about the journey of, like, getting healthy, and I ask why, it's almost always about confidence. Believing that if I can weigh a certain amount, if I can lose weight, then I get to be confident.

[00:04:29] Carrie Lupoli: And I, and I keep saying it's just like Ellie thinking when she lands in China she's gonna be able to speak Chinese. It's actually the work she didn't do to be able to speak Chinese. It's not just because you land in a destination and then suddenly you are there. 

[00:04:44] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. 

[00:04:44] Carrie Lupoli: And so you as a woman, and I'm so excited that you're on this podcast called The Diet Disruptors podcast because not only do you talk about confidence, but you've also gone through your own health journey, and you've been through your own process of kind of identity when it comes to weight and losing a l- [00:05:00] a lot of weight.

[00:05:01] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. Uh, and so I, I just, I'm excited to be able to talk about this because we want women to realize you can't just land in China and speak Chinese. 

[00:05:07] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. 

[00:05:08] Carrie Lupoli: There's actually work that has to be done in order for you to truly become the confident version of yourself. 

[00:05:12] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. Yes. So true. Well, a lot of times, again, I talk about in the leadership space that, like, women think, oh, if I get a degree or a certification or, you know, I get this particular title.

[00:05:21] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Even that was my own journey. I thought, oh, when I become vice president, then I'll feel confident. Or oh, when I get the PhD, I'll feel confident. And I felt the same way about my body. Once I lost the weight, it's like, oh, when I lose 90 pounds, that's when I was gonna feel confident. But it 

[00:05:35] Carrie Lupoli: was- It was like that was gonna be 

[00:05:36] Dr. Kasi Lacey: magic

[00:05:37] Dr. Kasi Lacey: yeah. And it's like- That was gonna be the magic moment ... we think that, oh, we're gonna be happy when we arrive at this destination. But it really- Yep ... is that, like, inner work. And confidence comes from, like, taking action, and it's courage, and it's self-trust, and there's so many other things that go into it.

[00:05:49] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I love, you and I both have two daughters, and so, like, the daughter world and being a m- a mom, mom to two girls is special in lots of different ways. But it, there is- 

[00:05:58] Carrie Lupoli: And you're in a different phase. Oh, yes. You have two [00:06:00] young girls. 

[00:06:00] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I do. Yes. Nine and, nine and soon to be four, so which is wild. Which 

[00:06:04] Carrie Lupoli: is such an important age for you to be able to start to share this with.

[00:06:07] Carrie Lupoli: So for all of our listeners, like, if you're like me that has older girls or even older, like, there's still a room, room for this conversation. But those of you with young girls, like, everything we say to them matters and, and, and really sticks. 

[00:06:21] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And even later, like, the women that I work with are, you know, top executives, and they still think, like, once this happens or this happens, this destination, like, then I'll feel confident.

[00:06:29] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Or that it's, like, this permanent confidence. And I do like to talk about unshakable confidence because there is this foundation that we can li- we can have, but there's also gonna be days that you have a difficult day, and it's gonna, like, rock your confidence a little bit. So what do you do? That's really getting into those strategies.

[00:06:44] Dr. Kasi Lacey: But yeah, for myself, I always thought, oh, X, Y, or Z, and I'm a high achiever, Enneagram 3. I literally got my PhD at the age of 26, so I thought, like, oh, you know, I'm always chasing things, and then that's when I'm gonna feel. But I realize as soon as you get there, then there's this next level and this next level.[00:07:00] 

[00:07:00] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so trying to really be present and enjoy the moment, uh, and enjoy my body the way it is. I mean, especially in terms of, like, my own health journey. You know, it was always like, oh, if you get this particular size or this number on the scale, then I'm gonna feel enough. But you're enough- Yes ... just as you are.

[00:07:16] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, you're enough just as you are right now. And even, like, when you're able to, like, really own that, that's actually for me, like, when the wei- weight loss started to be easy. Like, it can be. You know, I can really get to this, like, natural weight and healthy place for my body and love my body also at the same time of, of losing weight, so.

[00:07:34] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah, so let's talk about identity- Oh, yes ... because I do believe that in order to be, like, again, it isn't something that we just achieve at. It has to be something that we, we are. 

[00:07:45] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah, 

[00:07:45] Carrie Lupoli: um- So how do we become this identified person as confident? Because you said it's about action now, and I, and I wonder if it's, like, women that have just never felt confident, do they even know [00:08:00] how to act in that way?

[00:08:02] Carrie Lupoli: How to take action as a confident person. 

[00:08:05] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. I think it's def- it's actions, it's our thoughts, our behaviors. So a lot of times I like to talk about, like, w- the stuff we say to ourselves. We have to really become aware of, A, who we are. You know, what are your various identities? And I used to work with college students for many years, and so I love that phase of life because they're still figuring out who they are.

[00:08:21] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Their brains aren't fully developed. They're trying on new identities. You know, do the values from my family or, you know, my background, do those fit? And so, A, getting clear on that. What are your values? What do you like? What do you not like? And then this piece of, like, the identity, like, is shifting into myself and, like, confidence.

[00:08:37] Dr. Kasi Lacey: You've gotta, like, try on those things. But I think we've gotta challenge our own inner critic. Like, our brains, this is with the psychologist, like, nerdy part of me, where, like, our brains are there to keep us safe. And so because of that, they tend to be a little bit more negative. So we have automatic negative thoughts.

[00:08:52] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I always joke, again, my name's Casey Lacey, people read it as Cassie. So my inner critic is Cassie. She's kind of an assy. Like, she's not always [00:09:00] kind. She leads from fear. Sometimes she just, like, needs a snack or a nap. Like, but she's there, and so, but f- the stuff that I hear that, like, women say to themselves, they would never say to, to a friend.

[00:09:12] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, their inner critic can be so mean. So, A, we've gotta get that awareness of what we're saying and to really start to work on, like, at least neutralizing those thoughts. Um, and then yes, we wanna shift towards maybe that more positive because we're just so automatically trained in our body. You know, or in our brain, it just automatically does those things.

[00:09:30] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Then how does that affect how I show up? Like, what are my actions? Because my inner critic is driving the bus, is that keeping me from playing small? Am I not n- negotiating a raise or going for that position or holding myself back in certain ways? So all of those things to me just really interlace and are so important that you really kind of take a step back and zone out and figure out who I am, what am I thinking, and then what am I doing?

[00:09:55] Carrie Lupoli: Okay, so this is really great because I think that when we, uh, have [00:10:00] this inner mean girl, when you have Cassie, I have to really think about what my name is, uh, 'cause that's, that's getting me thinking. 'Cause when you can identify who she is, you can start to recognize her, because I think that's where it becomes hard.

[00:10:14] Carrie Lupoli: This Cassie- Yes ... for example, versus Casey- Yes ... feels very true. Doesn't y- we don't realize she's a liar, right? And so I think for people just starting to like think about this and the idea of like thinking about my thinking, it's like when it feels very, very true, how do you argue against it? 

[00:10:34] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:10:34] Carrie Lupoli: Right?

[00:10:34] Carrie Lupoli: Because it's just like I'm not enough, I'm not enough, I'm not enough. 

[00:10:37] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:10:40] Carrie Lupoli: Once I think you recognize who she is and you can hear her voice, then I think there's a piece of like, "Okay, Cassie, shut up." But until we get there, like h- h- or right now where some women are, they don't even know who that- 

[00:10:56] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah

[00:10:56] Carrie Lupoli: mean girl is- It, honestly, sometimes it's like- ... and that it's 

[00:10:58] Dr. Kasi Lacey: not 

[00:10:58] Carrie Lupoli: true ... 

[00:10:58] Dr. Kasi Lacey: it's so unconscious. Like, [00:11:00] it's just running- Yeah ... in the back of our mind. We don't even know it. So the awareness is key. And then it's like I like the naming piece of it. I actually had a friend where she named her Steve. Like, she actually named it a guy name 'cause she was like, "I'm not gonna let any man talk to me that way."

[00:11:10] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I was like, "Okay, I love that." Um, so- Oh, that's 

[00:11:13] Carrie Lupoli: good ... 

[00:11:13] Dr. Kasi Lacey: it's the awareness, and then it's going into like not every thought is a fact. Not every thought I have is a fact. And then there's the feeling component of it. So we have thoughts, we have feelings. And I... Someone told me this and I love it. I had to steal it because it was like emotions, emotions are just information.

[00:11:29] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I used to study, and that was actually part of my PhD, was like emotional intelligence and emotions in relationships. But emotions are just information. They are kind of like driving in the car with kids. We don't let them drive, but we also don't lock them in the trunk. So- Oh, that's 

[00:11:46] Carrie Lupoli: so 

[00:11:46] Dr. Kasi Lacey: good ... it's just information.

[00:11:47] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so every thought and every emotion is not gonna be factual, and so that's where we have to like take that pause. Like I envision like a stop sign and visualizing that of like, okay, stop. Then I have to slow [00:12:00] down and be like, "Okay, what evidence really supports this? I'm not enough." I work a lot with women in terms of imposter syndrome, so they're like, "Oh, I'm a fraud."

[00:12:06] Dr. Kasi Lacey: But if they actually list out all of their accomplishments, like despite their accomplishments, they still feel this way. Like if I look at their resume or vita or whatever it is, I'm like, "No, you're not an imposter, but your brain is telling you that," because again it's that like fear component trying to keep you safe, so.

[00:12:22] Carrie Lupoli: Oh my gosh. That is so good. So like let's actually tap into this in a personal level because when you and I were together last month, I actually... I, I think this is a good example of how this is always a work in progress. Yeah. This is always something that we have to be thinking about because we met, um, in California, and we were with a group of about seven, uh, ish other women.

[00:12:45] Carrie Lupoli: And I know that I... When I'm in my studio, when I'm with my safe group of people, my, my clients and, and all of that, I feel I can show up very confidently. But then when I was with all of you [00:13:00] who have so much, and I all... Literally, my mean girl was just like, "You do not deserve to be in this room." 

[00:13:07] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. "

[00:13:07] Carrie Lupoli: You have nothing to offer."

[00:13:09] Carrie Lupoli: And I could feel the physical weight of that, uh, that night and then going into the second day that we were all together. And I think what, what you're talking about, A, is something that, like, there's nothing wrong with us. 

[00:13:26] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:13:27] Carrie Lupoli: You know? Like, I'm having that, you know, however many decades into my career, feeling like I could list all the things I did, but as soon as you level up, Erin King, who you and I were just with, she said, "Once you start to level, that's when the devil comes in."

[00:13:40] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. New levels, new devils. 

[00:13:41] Carrie Lupoli: And I felt it. 

[00:13:42] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:13:43] Carrie Lupoli: And so I think if we can start to recognize it, like, th- it was really amazing to me because I felt the physical reaction of my body feeling very heavy. I almost, like, equate it to, I almost felt like I was drowning. Like, I felt there was water inside of my body and I couldn't, [00:14:00] I wasn't buoyant at all.

[00:14:01] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:14:02] Carrie Lupoli: And, uh, it wasn't until that next morning that I was, I realized what was happening. 

[00:14:07] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:14:07] Carrie Lupoli: And I, like, opened up and everything, and I, and I shared, and I just had to process through it a little bit. And then it was like the water, it was like, oh, I almost let a drain out of a cooler the way the water just started coming out, and I felt so much lighter.

[00:14:22] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:14:22] Carrie Lupoli: And I, that was almost like a physical confidence- 

[00:14:25] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah ... 

[00:14:25] Carrie Lupoli: that came about. But I think the, the real beauty of that story is just that- It happens to every single one of us- 

[00:14:35] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah ... still. The beauty of that story for me was when you shared that, I felt better. Because I very vividly remember you sharing that, 'cause I was like, "I'm so glad I'm not alone."

[00:14:45] Dr. Kasi Lacey: When you shared it, I was like, "Carrie gets it." Because even for myself, again, we were with some amazing women, and our brains are doing that. Again, social psychologists look at this comparison, and I always talk about this with women, of like we get into this like compare to despair phase. And we think we are [00:15:00] less than.

[00:15:00] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so it's this upward comparison. We put people on pedestals in our lives, whether that's leaders or friends or whomever it may. We, we compare ourselves to people's like highlight reel of social media. And we were in a room with some amazing women who have done amazing things, and so we're doing that, of like this not enough.

[00:15:17] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so we try to go this next phase of like compare to dare, like or compare to aware. Like, they have something I want. Like, Erin King is one of our mentors, and she's out there, um, doing amazing things in terms of speaking. Well, I'm aware that I wanna do that too. That's all it is, if I can reframe it. And then I go to the next phase of compare to dare.

[00:15:35] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Dare that I can do it too. But for myself, I remember going into that, and your physical reaction, mine feels like a hornet's nest is in my body. Like I have bees buzzing. It's kind of that like anxious reaction where I'm feeling that. Um, and so being able to like take a step back and like check in with our thoughts of us comparing and putting people on pedestals, what are we physically feeling?

[00:15:57] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And then normalizing it. And like you said, letting that drain out [00:16:00] and realizing that we're not alone. And as women, this is like my biggest pet peeve, is that we sometimes have this like scarcity mindset. That there's not enough or that I'm not enough, and we get into this like tearing each other down.

[00:16:14] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And what was so beautiful and what we had and what I continue to see in these like women's groups is that there's enough to go around. We're there to support each other. And so you're doing amazing things. And so hearing you say this, I was like, "Oh my gosh," 'cause I had you on a pedestal in my mind. And then you were like, "Oh my gosh, I'm feeling overwhelmed," and like this, you know, kind of like imposter and all of these feelings.

[00:16:33] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I was like, "Okay, we're not alone. We're not that different." But so often we suffer in silence, and we don't tell each other that these are the feelings we have. And this happens with our bodies- And then we get stuck ... and even relationships and all this stuff, and we say, "

[00:16:46] Carrie Lupoli: Stop." Yes. Yeah. And it was, like, a decision to share it, because I almost felt like I was literally dri- I couldn't breathe.

[00:16:52] Carrie Lupoli: It was like the corset. Yeah. I had the corset on. It was getting tighter and tighter and tighter, and I couldn't breathe. And so I was either just gonna rip it [00:17:00] off, right? And then be like, "I'm done. I'm not doing this." 

[00:17:03] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:17:03] Carrie Lupoli: C- I literally thought about not coming- Yeah, wow ... the second day. Or, like, t- unloosening it.

[00:17:08] Carrie Lupoli: Like, recognize it is there, unloosen it a little by little, and take it off in a way that was actually healthier, that says, "No, I'm gonna replace it with a crown." And by sharing it, it was like everything came together for me, because I moved it from the messy right side of my brain to the left side of my brain, and I actually was able to then problem solve it.

[00:17:24] Carrie Lupoli: But I think what's so powerful is that w- this is l- like, when we sit in our brain about it and don't actually e- talk, either talk it out, talk it out to ourselves, write it down, it, then it just becomes- Go for 

[00:17:38] Dr. Kasi Lacey: a walk. Like, move your body- Yes ... to release some of it, too. Like, there's different ways to do that, yes.

[00:17:43] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah, because I think that that's what's holding us back from then moving, right? Yeah. We get so stuck in there. So you're working with so many really high-performing women, and it just, it, it floors me that they're talking about the same level of [00:18:00] confidence- 

[00:18:00] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah ... 

[00:18:01] Carrie Lupoli: uh, that we're talking about, that a woman that's listening to us that feels like, you know, she's, needs to lose hundreds of pounds.

[00:18:09] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. Like, we're all talking about the same thing. 

[00:18:12] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:18:13] Carrie Lupoli: Like, how do we actually really, as a community of women, I think, get to a place of... I, 'cause part of me thinks we're, we're doing it to ourselves- Yes ... but we're not supporting each other through it, either. You know what I mean? Or we're in 

[00:18:25] Dr. Kasi Lacey: environments- 

[00:18:25] Carrie Lupoli: It's like we're all suffering in silence

[00:18:26] Dr. Kasi Lacey: or we're in environments that also don't support us. Like, that's the difficult part, 

[00:18:29] Carrie Lupoli: too. That, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, for me- So how do we fix 

[00:18:33] Dr. Kasi Lacey: that? ... like, my own, my own personal journey was, again, I, I share this story. Like, I finished my PhD at 26, and then I was hired on as executive director and felt like an imposter.

[00:18:41] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I was over, you know, counseling health services. I was a professor, but I continued to grow in my leadership role, and I was encouraged to apply for the VP job. And I was like, "I'm not ready." Like, "I'm not good enough." There was all of these things I had to like, oh, I needed more experience, or I needed X, Y, or Z.

[00:18:55] Dr. Kasi Lacey: But I realized, too, that, again, I applied for the job b- through encouragement, got a phone interview, [00:19:00] didn't even get an on-campus interview, all the stuff. Found out from friends on the search committee that they were actually given the directive to hire a man. So I didn't even have a chance. Like, didn't matter.

[00:19:08] Dr. Kasi Lacey: So that's, was a pivotal moment for me, because then they hired a man. Like, I knew I was actually better than him. He, it didn't work out. He was there for a year. This is a very abbreviated version, but in that year, I got real honest with myself. Yes, I can blame the system. The system was broken 100%, and I was also playing small.

[00:19:29] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I was holding myself back. I had to understand the psychology of my identity, my background, my behaviors, and really do I wanna make a change? What can I do? And so for myself, I realized when I would talk about my accomplishments, I would say we. I would apologize all over myself. You know, there were so many behavioral things I was engaging in.

[00:19:50] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I was like, "Okay, I need to do something different here because what I'm doing is not working." And so I think we get to that point where we realize, you know, what was serving us before is no longer serving us, and we have to [00:20:00] make that change. And then we can learn from other people. Like, that's the amazing part.

[00:20:04] Dr. Kasi Lacey: There's so many amazing women just like the women we were in a group with of like, "I can learn from somebody else." Most things are figureoutable, and I think for me, that was the same for my weight loss journey. You know, I... There was so... I tried every diet under the sun. Oh my goodness. I'll tell you even the extreme story.

[00:20:20] Dr. Kasi Lacey: My mom and I went to a chiropractor who had swore that if you got this staple on the inner side of your ear, that was gonna be the magical trick to help you lose weight Yeah, we did it. Did nothing, which is terrible 

[00:20:33] Carrie Lupoli: Isn't it crazy where it sounds fine at the time and you look back and you're like, "How did-" Oh my gosh

[00:20:36] Carrie Lupoli: right? 

[00:20:37] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Oh my gosh. Yeah. But it's so much of like what we're fed, and I think especially as women how we're socialized, that it just, it wasn't healthy. It wasn't working for me. And so for myself, it was really doing the inner work, and that's where I hired a health coach and really understood, A, my relationship with food, my relationship with the scale.

[00:20:55] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Diets don't work. It's about understanding what works for my [00:21:00] body, and then also letting go of this shame guilt cycle that I had lived in for so, so long. And so, but again- 'Cause that's 

[00:21:06] Carrie Lupoli: what's, that's what's hurting your confidence. 

[00:21:08] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. Yeah. 

[00:21:09] Carrie Lupoli: Literally. We keep thinking it's a number. I would say confidence does not come from reaching a goal.

[00:21:14] Carrie Lupoli: Confidence comes from when you know what you're doing is right. 

[00:21:16] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. Yes. And same, like I ended up like in terms of my leadership journey, like to got the VP job, fought for it, was, you know, the only female for, you know, six years, then ended up in a very toxic workplace and realized it was really out of alignment.

[00:21:29] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so I left. I did the scariest thing of my life, was to leave a 13-year-long job, career, identity of being in higher education to start my own thing. But it was the best decision I ever made. And I think if I hadn't done that inner work on myself, I wouldn't have been ready. I, there, I just would've stayed stuck in those systems, and I would've stayed stuck in those behaviors that weren't working for me.

[00:21:50] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so yes, it's scary, but I mean, fear, like to me, fear is always information. And so if I'm afraid of something, to me it's like, okay, I really wanna get deep on [00:22:00] like what's scary here. Of course, I'm a good cat- catastrophizer. Like I can play out every scenario. But it's also because it's this challenge.

[00:22:07] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like there's this desire on my heart that I wanted to have my own business, that I wanted to help women, that I wanted to write a book, that I wanna become a keynote speaker. And that desire was there, but I had to get quiet enough to listen and then figure out what are the steps to make that happen, which I have made all of those things happen, which is amazing, but it's, and it was learning from other people and listening to that s- desire and knowing that I'm enough to make it happen 

[00:22:31] Carrie Lupoli: You're, you're saying a few things that I think we have to reiterate, like the concept of listening to yourself.

[00:22:36] Carrie Lupoli: When you were listening to your body, you were listening to your dreams, you were listening- Yeah ... to you. And I think so much of, uh, so much of what we do has been culturally conditioned in a way to align our accomplishments with our confidence. 

[00:22:49] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:22:49] Carrie Lupoli: And that makes it hard to make a move out of a job because your worth, your confidence, your value is often aligned with what you do.

[00:22:58] Carrie Lupoli: We say this all the time, like, [00:23:00] uh, someone says, "Oh, you look great," that's code for, "You look smaller," and, "What do you do for a living?" Like, "What do you do?" Right? And those two things identify us as, you know, who we are, and if we don't feel like we're enough in either one of those, that diminishes our confidence.

[00:23:16] Carrie Lupoli: Or if we feel like that's who we are- 

[00:23:18] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes ... 

[00:23:18] Carrie Lupoli: then that's really interesting. I had a moment where in 2019 my daughter was fetal position on the couch, and I traveled two weeks a month, and she was in middle school, and I took my suitcase and left. Yeah, 

[00:23:29] Dr. Kasi Lacey: yeah. 

[00:23:29] Carrie Lupoli: And I remember sitting at Starbucks that, on that trip and writing my resignation letter- 

[00:23:35] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah

[00:23:35] Carrie Lupoli: because I, I realized, it hit me, like I can't, I can't be okay with fetal position on the couch, but my whole identity was in this work that I was doing, and I had to recreate that. And that was a moment when I realized, again, my confidence can't be in, in that, in, in a number, in a job, in any of that. It's gotta be who I am.

[00:23:54] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:23:55] Carrie Lupoli: And so, uh, I didn't know how we were gonna figure it out, but we figured it out just like, [00:24:00] just like you did. Um, how do we though, I guess, and this is where I'm, I heard you say listen to yourself, because I feel like fear, when it drives, we don't leave the driveway at all. 

[00:24:13] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:24:14] Carrie Lupoli: And- In order to get past fear, I think we have to listen to ourselves, but I don't know how many of us are actually taking the time to do that.

[00:24:22] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:24:23] Carrie Lupoli: Because we're so busy. 

[00:24:24] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Lots, 

[00:24:24] Carrie Lupoli: lots of the women that I work 

[00:24:25] Dr. Kasi Lacey: with are not, because we're s- we're so busy. We're kind of in this, like, hustle culture. 

[00:24:29] Carrie Lupoli: Yes. 

[00:24:29] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so we're doing so much. We're pouring into so many other people, and that was the thing for myself too. I was pouring so much into a toxic workplace that I couldn't care for myself.

[00:24:38] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I didn't, I 

[00:24:38] Carrie Lupoli: was- And then you blame it, right? Yes. It's almost like, "Well, I can't. I, I mean, I can't. I don't have enough time to work out every 

[00:24:43] Dr. Kasi Lacey: day." Yeah, I can't work out, but then I didn't feel like I could be a good mom or wife or- Right ... friend or daughter, any of the things. And I love what you said there too, is sometimes I see that we, like, over-identify with a particular identity.

[00:24:54] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, it becomes everything that we are. And for myself, I had over-identified, 'cause I had fought so hard to get [00:25:00] this vice president role and be in the C-suite, that it was, uh, it was everything to me. And so then it was like, okay, what am I as a mom or as a woman or as an individual? Like, or as a wife or whatever your different identities are.

[00:25:11] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I, I don't like to be put in a box, but I put myself in a box, which is crazy. And then I also lost my voice, and I lost my identity in that. And so, you know, this complexity of my identity being more than just one thing. And so it is that listening. You've gotta take time, like, to get quiet. Like, sometimes, again, I'll go on a walk, and I, I love a good, like, audiobook.

[00:25:32] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I love a good meditation. I love all of those things, but sometimes I just have to, like, literally get quiet. Spend five minutes alone. Like, whatever it is, just to listen to myself, because I hadn't for so long. I had lost that voice. I had become-- I had silenced her, you know? I had put a muzzle over her mouth, and, like, I've gotta listen to her because the, the...

[00:25:51] Dr. Kasi Lacey: that's just where the, the gold comes from. And, but we don't take the time. We don't take the time. No. We're so busy. 

[00:25:57] Carrie Lupoli: And I think what you're saying right now is just awareness about [00:26:00] needing to do that. There's actually, uh, it's so-- This is how aligned you and I are. Uh, there's a study that was done in 2014, uh, and they put people in a room, and they had nothing to do in this room.

[00:26:08] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. And they had the opportunity to shock themselves. Do you know this study? Oh, 

[00:26:11] Dr. Kasi Lacey: no. No, I'd 

[00:26:12] Carrie Lupoli: love it. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. So they put people in a room with, like, nothing to do, and they showed them, they, they felt what the shock would feel like, and it sucked. It wasn't good. 40% of the people chose to shock themselves rather than being in a room thinking.

[00:26:27] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Wow. 

[00:26:27] Carrie Lupoli: Because we literally are uncomfortable- 

[00:26:30] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah ... 

[00:26:31] Carrie Lupoli: thinking about our thinking. And as women, I think we, like, productivity is part of our identity. 

[00:26:37] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Oh, 

[00:26:37] Carrie Lupoli: yes. And not, like walking while getting our steps in, right? That, like- Testing ... walking means we get outside, we get the vitamin D, and we listen to a podcast.

[00:26:46] Carrie Lupoli: That is uber productivity. 

[00:26:47] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:26:48] Carrie Lupoli: But when we're missing the opportunity to actually live in the right side of our brain in the good way, to be able to talk about, talk to our mean girl, or to process what is it that we really want out of life- 

[00:26:59] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah ... 

[00:26:59] Carrie Lupoli: [00:27:00] then all we're gonna do is become this robot, and any free time is, like, scrolling.

[00:27:05] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. 

[00:27:05] Carrie Lupoli: And just getting the dopamine hit from the, from the, from the phone. 

[00:27:08] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. 

[00:27:08] Carrie Lupoli: So I just think you make such a good point of, like, do- sometimes, like, if you're already gonna walk, actually make it productive by not listening to something. 

[00:27:18] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah, yeah, doing less. And I think that's, I was so used to, like, being so busy and meeting after meeting.

[00:27:22] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And the funny part after leaving, you know, my career and then working for myself, I'm like, "I get so much more done in, like, a short timeframe." 'Cause, like, you always have these, like, meetings about meetings or conversations at the copier or whatever. I was like, "They were such a waste of time and energy."

[00:27:37] Dr. Kasi Lacey: But I think just doing less. Sometimes we've got to do less. And I think as entrepreneurs, you and I are in this space, you know, we feel like we've got to do X, Y, or Z, and there's a time, but that hustle isn't always what moves the needle on my business. Sometimes I gotta get quiet, and sometimes I have to take a step back, and that feels scary because we're so programmed to do, do, do, do, do more.

[00:27:56] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah, I think you're right because, I mean, my [00:28:00] team knows i- after I get out of a shower, because I start voice memo-ing. I'm like, "Oh, I just had shower thinking." And it's so funny because we can all relate to that. Like, once you get in the shower and you don't have your phone on you, some of the most amazing ideas end up happening.

[00:28:15] Carrie Lupoli: And so I think we all know that this is true, that when we get there, but I think that there's just, like, a bridge to cross of uncomfortableness where... 'Cause I, the other day I got in the shower and I'm like, "Five minutes. Five minutes in the shower. I have so much to do." And I was, like, doing the things really quick, and then all of a sudden something happened and I must have gone over that bridge into thinking about just me and- Yeah

[00:28:37] Carrie Lupoli: what I need and what I wanted, and I literally planned out this whole talk in my head while I was in the shower, and it was a 20-minute shower, and it felt so, I guess, productive in a way Yeah But there was that moment where it clicks in, and I think you have to give it a little f- a little bit of time of being in that uncomfortable space- Yeah.

[00:28:58] Carrie Lupoli: Push past that ... before you click into that part of your [00:29:00] brain. 

[00:29:00] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. I love those, like, universe downloads. But, like, if we're not- Yes ... quiet and take that time, we don't really get those downloads. And we're inundated with so much, like whether it's social media or just the environment, all of the things of, like, "Oh, here's this m- morning routine," and, "Oh, you need to try this supplement.

[00:29:13] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Oh, you need to do..." There's all this doing or, "You need to be this mom or this leader." And so, yeah, we just gotta kinda quiet the noise and sometimes take a break from that, and really just ask yourself, like, "What do I want?" I d- I am not a morning person. I don't like mornings I'll be real honest. So this idea of having, like, a 4:00 AM morning routine just really annoys me.

[00:29:32] Dr. Kasi Lacey: So you've gotta do what works for you, and I think we've gotta stop subscribing to other people's version of how we should live our lives. 

[00:29:41] Carrie Lupoli: Yes. Okay. I love that. So, uh, while I don't want all of us to subscribe to your version, I am always interested in tapping into successful women who have also really tapped into her own ability to figure out what the healthiest version of her does, says, thinks, and believes, which is what you've been [00:30:00] doing on your physical and emotional journey here.

[00:30:02] Carrie Lupoli: But what is... H- how does Dr. Casey Lacey, with two young girls, a thriving business, you know, married, doing all the things that a woman does, takes care of herself now physically as well as, uh, professionally, h- w- what is, like, either a typical day or a typical mindset of yours look like? 

[00:30:23] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:30:23] Carrie Lupoli: Not because we have to copy it, but like Mel Robbins says, "Comparison can be a teacher or a torture."

[00:30:28] Carrie Lupoli: And I think that there's some inspiration we can grab from th- a woman like you who does, is... I don't wanna say you're doing it all, but you... We all are, have to do it all, but it's, like, whether or not we're doing it in a way that's healthy. 

[00:30:42] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. So for me, there's a few things in terms of mindset.

[00:30:46] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Perfection is never my goal. Perfect is boring. I don't connect with perfect people. Like, that is never the goal. I also don't like to be in kind of this, like- re- rinse and repeat. I like variety. Mm-hmm. And so I think- Okay ... for [00:31:00] myself, every day- 

[00:31:00] Carrie Lupoli: That's your three on the Enneagram. 

[00:31:02] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. Yes, it is. Yeah. I, I like the variety, and so I, you know, again, that's how my life is.

[00:31:08] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I like to plan somewhat, but I also like the room for flexibility. And so for me, it's like listening to myself. I try to prioritize, but if I don't get to do a workout that day, that's okay. Like, I'm not gonna shame or guilt myself. Um, I'm gonna always just, like, do my best, but the other goal is to have fun.

[00:31:26] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, I really, this last year, is doing things that feel good and, like, that really move me towards fun and connection. It's about the relationships. I love meeting people like yourself and listening and just, like, showing up. That's been my busi- bi- like, biggest business strategy, is just, like, show up to stuff.

[00:31:42] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I literally went to a, it was a women's event, but it was at, like, a local mall. I'm like, yes, malls still exist. Um, especially- ... in Missouri. And so I showed- Yeah ... up to the mall, met a dear friend there, and then she connected me, and then, like, we were filming a TV show together. So it's just, like, showing up and really [00:32:00] just, like, listening, getting with myself.

[00:32:01] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, if I need to take a nap or I need rest or I need water, like, those are things of just, like, really checking in with myself, and then not trying to be perfect. So every day looks different. Um, but trying to have fun, listen to myself, um, and just be present, and be present. And also, I really, I try to start out my, my day, I talk about, like, a morning routine, so like mid-morning, later afternoon, like, gratitude.

[00:32:26] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Genuinely, like, being grateful for the relationships, for the business I've built, for my daughter's health, for the stupid chickens we're raising here. Like, I don't really like them, but, like, it's a cool experience for my daughter. 

[00:32:37] Carrie Lupoli: Oh, I had to get rid of the chickens. They're awful. I thought I did, but they are not Inst- they, they are not the Instagram thing- No

[00:32:43] Carrie Lupoli: I thought they were. No, they are 

[00:32:44] Dr. Kasi Lacey: not. They poop a lot. But my daughters love them. But, like, taking those moments, laughing at myself, like, those are the moments, that's where the joy lives, and that's where my confidence lives, is just, you know, being able to, like, enjoy things- Right ... laugh and live. I mean, it sounds so cheesy.

[00:32:58] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I feel like that's a bad poster [00:33:00] on a wall, but... 

[00:33:01] Carrie Lupoli: No, I, no. No, no, no. It's great. And especially because, so if you don't, if you all listening don't know the Enneagram, you gotta go back to, uh, like a year ago when I did a two-part series with Enneagram Ashton about the Enneagram. I teach the Enneagram to all my clients.

[00:33:15] Carrie Lupoli: It's like, I think it's a very, very important- I love it ... opportunity in self-awareness. I'm an eight, which is a challenger, and I need control. So, like, for me, I like to, like- I, I, it's not that I have to know exactly what I'm doing, but I, I need to feel like I'm in control. And I can give up control if I feel like that other person is going to be able to take control.

[00:33:34] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. 

[00:33:34] Carrie Lupoli: And so learning about that has really helped me on my own journey to becoming the healthiest version of myself, because I would hold onto a lot of things and not know why, right? But as a three on the Enneagram, which means that you are, like, I mean, a, a lot of really great speakers are threes because that enthusiasm and that, that need to be the best in a lot of ways, in your own, in your own way.

[00:33:57] Carrie Lupoli: Where does intentionality come in? Because [00:34:00] I ... the, the thing that we always say is consistency over perfection, right? Like, showing up for yourself. But when somebody's a three, they can also, like, get, get sucked into the thing at the moment that they feel like doing. And we talked about feelings versus, you know, your emotions dictating kind of the things that you do.

[00:34:16] Carrie Lupoli: So how do you kind of reconcile the intentionality of showing up consistency, consistently? Because you've done that. Is- you've done that for your health. I mean, losing 90 pounds doesn't, isn't like I decide, like, I show up when I want to. You show up consistently. So how do you reconcile that? 

[00:34:31] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. That's such a good question.

[00:34:33] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Um, so for myself, there is this, there is somewhat a structure. Now, I don't like the perfection that the Enneagram three, I'm also a woo, so like, I'm always chasing something. And I can get shiny object syndrome big time. Um, especially as a business owner, you're like, "Oh, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna have this offer.

[00:34:47] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I'm gonna make, create 

[00:34:48] Carrie Lupoli: this," 

[00:34:49] Dr. Kasi Lacey: you 

[00:34:49] Carrie Lupoli: know? Yeah. Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Yes. 

[00:34:50] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yeah. But I think for myself, it's really focusing on the things that matter. So the things that work for me, if they feel good, I wanna do those consistently. Yes, I have [00:35:00] little reminders on my calendar of like, okay, this is an opportunity to like- We talk about hunting for breakfast, like connecting with other fellow speakers.

[00:35:07] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Um, this is when I do my newsletter. I literally every morning have this shake, so I have it sitting here. Uh, that's what I do because I feel good when I have it. So you have some 

[00:35:15] Carrie Lupoli: systems- 

[00:35:15] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes ... that you've put in place. So I have some systems in there that can help reign in what I know as sometimes, if you wanna say, my weaknesses or growth opportunities.

[00:35:23] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And so putting in systems in place, or I have people. I have people in my life that balance me. My speaker manager, she's like my COO of life. Like, she's very detailed-oriented. She remembers, like, this contract or this. Like, having the people that offset my specialness. And so, like, that's also how it helps me not, um, yeah, g- helps me be productive and not get shiny object syndrome and go too many different directions.

[00:35:50] Carrie Lupoli: No, I think that's such a great example because whether it's a spouse, a partner, an executive assistant, a friend, I think that there's something that we can give to each other, especially when [00:36:00] you know more about who you are and why, how, why you do the things that you do. Casey, you also have a book coming out, like, now.

[00:36:06] Carrie Lupoli: It's 

[00:36:06] Dr. Kasi Lacey: out. 

[00:36:06] Carrie Lupoli: Am I right? 

[00:36:07] Dr. Kasi Lacey: It's officially out. It's out. Yeah. 

[00:36:09] Carrie Lupoli: Tell us about this book. I'm super, super excited- Oh ... about it because to me, your experience, your... Not just, not just your experience, but how you've translated it into being able to support other people and generalize it. It's one thing to read a book about somebody, but it's one thing to be able to say and see, "Oh, I see how I can turn this into really working for my life."

[00:36:29] Carrie Lupoli: So tell us about it. 

[00:36:31] Dr. Kasi Lacey: My book is called Your Confidence Comeback, and you can find it on yourconfidencecomeback.com. It has been something that's been on my heart, and it was really like when I was out speaking, people were like, "Where, where's your book? Where's your book?" And so I worked really hard and obviously put this together.

[00:36:43] Dr. Kasi Lacey: So it's the psychology of reclaiming your, your confidence. Or, sorry, the psychology of reclaiming your power, voice, and leadership. I always have to think about the subtitle. Um- 

[00:36:51] Carrie Lupoli: But- It's hard to come up with a good subtitle. 

[00:36:53] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I know. I know. But really it goes into my own journey, but also my clients' journey.

[00:36:59] Dr. Kasi Lacey: [00:37:00] And I really want women to have tact- like, tactical tips and strategies. So yes, there's story, 'cause I love to tell stories, and I want people to, like, see their, you know, see them in my story or clients that I've worked with. But I also want them to have real strategies that they can implore. So that's the psychologist in me, of like, these are things that you can do.

[00:37:16] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And we talked about, like, challenging your inner critic. You know, how do we get out of our own way, compare to dare, like, all of those different things. And so it's out. Um, this last week I got, like, my first official copy, and it was, like, the most special moment was, like, my daughters holding the books. Yes.

[00:37:32] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And I was like, "Oh, my gosh." Um, so that feels very real. I had so many amazing people that did pre-orders, and so, like, they're getting their signed copy with extra special gifts. But it 

[00:37:41] Carrie Lupoli: is- Oh, I'm so excited about this. Oh. I want everybody to get it. And here's why I, I love, love, love the title so much.

[00:37:47] Carrie Lupoli: Because when you say comeback, it, it insinuates that we've had this confidence before. All along. And it's just like where I talk about the corset. At some point we got this corset put on us- 

[00:37:58] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes ... 

[00:37:58] Carrie Lupoli: and we, we lost [00:38:00] the crown. Yes. And what would, like, your five-year-old self tell you? Your five-year-old self was confident.

[00:38:05] Yeah. 

[00:38:05] Carrie Lupoli: She, like, loved herself, and she knew who she was. So I love the fact that you're saying we're coming back to that. 

[00:38:10] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes. Yeah, because socialization or experiences in some people, again, I've worked with people who have been in like toxic workplaces, like some of that gets stolen away from us. Um, and so coming back to that, because confidence is always there.

[00:38:21] Dr. Kasi Lacey: It's a skill too. Some people think you're just like born with it. You know, again, it's something that you learn and you can practice and a muscle, but unfortunately through socialization or experiences, we've kind of let it go and we quieted it or we silenced it. And so coming back to that is amazing.

[00:38:36] Dr. Kasi Lacey: And yes, you're so right. Like, I think about my three-year-old, soon to be four-year-old, she definitely has confidence. Like, and I love that, and it's, we see it already. I see it already with my nine-year-old where these, these conversations are already starting to happen where she's questioning and I'm like, "No."

[00:38:50] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, how do we preserve that? And so I love this book. I'm so excited for people to read it and really think about how they can make a shift, because I want women to show up [00:39:00] as their most confident selves. A, I do it for my daughters. I want them to see confident women out there. I want them to be in workplaces that support confident women, you know, whether that's like their...

[00:39:10] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Or see women on stage, you and I out there speaking. Like, they need those examples, and this is us truly breaking kind of that generational trauma in lots of ways, um, that again, our parents did our best, and grandparents, my grandmothers and my mother, like they did their best. But really, I think as women right now, we get to really change the script and really own our power and our confidence.

[00:39:33] Carrie Lupoli: I love it so much. I feel like this could be such a great book study book for women in, in, in small groups to be able to adopt, and then also for corporations, especially w- w- women, groups of women that are working together because just like when I opened up to this whole group of very high achieving women, and then they were all like, "Oh my gosh, I feel the same way."

[00:39:54] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. Like, these are the conversations in the workforce that I think are so, so important. 

[00:39:57] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Absolutely. 

[00:39:58] Carrie Lupoli: And, and Casey, you [00:40:00] speak all the time, so tell, give us your website, um, and then we're gonna put it all in the show notes too because bringing Casey on as a speaker i- i- is, is just a way to elevate- y- your workplace into a space where women then get to be supportive of each other versus feeling like there's judgment or that there's a competition.

[00:40:22] Carrie Lupoli: 'Cause th- like you said, there's plenty of space for all of us. 

[00:40:25] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Yes, yes. So my website is kasilacey.com. My parents had to be difficult and spell it weird, so it's K-A-S-I-L-A-C-E-Y.com. And yes, I love speaking. And a little s- quick story on that is, like, I never thought I would be a speaker. I legit avoided speech class.

[00:40:40] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Like, throughout high school, wanted to throw up. And like, just as like- Yeah. ... some of the diff- different experiences, you know, in terms of my career, I really saw, I was like, "Okay, yeah, I'm speaking. I'm about to college. I'm a professor. I'm always out there speaking," and I found my love for it. And this year, I'm really honing in on the fact that we are in a trust recession right now with AI, with relationships, with the [00:41:00] economy, with so much going on.

[00:41:02] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I really talk about self-trust and trust in leadership, and also trust related to, like, your customers. Do they trust you? And so really it's a lot of confidence. Confidence is self-trust, and that's where I love talking with women. But giving these keynotes of really addressing this trust issue in leadership is so, so powerful, and I'm just...

[00:41:21] Dr. Kasi Lacey: I love doing it. I've done a lot with banks, nonprofits, colleges, universities, education, you name it. But I'm always so honored to have the opportunity to get in front of people and pour into them and give them actionable strategies that they can implore to make sure that they're showing up, those, as their most confident selves, as leaders, um, as business owners, as corporations, you name it.

[00:41:42] Carrie Lupoli: Oh, I love it so much. I'm so glad that you are here. 

[00:41:45] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Oh. 

[00:41:45] Carrie Lupoli: And, uh, we're gonna put all of your information in the show notes, but you're just inspirational. In every single aspect, uh, you're listening to yourself and then following that, and that to me is that code for confidence and [00:42:00] coming back to that three and four-year-old self that was, like, exuding confidence.

[00:42:04] Carrie Lupoli: So Casey, you're the best. Thank you for being 

[00:42:06] Dr. Kasi Lacey: here. Aw, thank you so much. It's truly such an honor, and I'm just, again, so, so grateful that I had the opportunity to meet you, hear about all of your journey, all of the amazing things you're doing, because the message you're pouring into women right now is so, so needed, uh, in this con- Yeah, 

[00:42:19] Carrie Lupoli: I'm excited

[00:42:20] Dr. Kasi Lacey: so amazing. 

[00:42:20] Carrie Lupoli: Together we're doing it. Make sure you go follow Casey on all of her social media because her, all of that is like a little dose of inspiration as well. Although when we're going for walks, we're gonna sometimes take the AirPods out, 

[00:42:31] Dr. Kasi Lacey: right? That's right. That's right. 

[00:42:33] Carrie Lupoli: Thanks, Casey. 

[00:42:34] Dr. Kasi Lacey: Thank 

[00:42:35] you.