How to Raise a Confident Daughter Who Knows Her Self-Worth - 281
What if the most dangerous thing you pass down to your daughter isn't a bad habit but a belief? In this episode, I sit down with Traci Petersen, board-certified nurse practitioner and founder of the Woman Lessons movement, to talk about what true confidence and self-love actually look like for women.
Traci was standing at her kitchen sink when her nine-year-old daughter Quinn looked up and asked, "Mom, can we do woman lessons?" Quinn had in mind cooking, outfits, and makeup. But that innocent question sent Traci down a path of deep reflection, which ultimately led to a multi-generational movement around raising truly confident women.
In this conversation, Traci shares the seven Woman Lessons she teaches women around the world. We also talk about the power of an "I am" declaration, the difference between perfectionism and striving for excellence, and how Traci uses her flower metaphor at home.
Conclusion:
You can't teach what you don't believe. Your daughter is watching you. Whether she's eight years old or 30, it's never too late to start modeling the confidence, self-trust, and identity rooted in truth that we all want for the women in our lives. Check out Traci’s podcast and website for tools and tips to get started.
In This Episode:
00:00 Introducing Traci Peterson
04:53 Why the Woman Lessons Podcast exists
12:32 Modeling self-trust and the power of “I am”
15:12 Seven lessons for women raising daughters
19:13 Perfectionism vs excellence
21:02 Flower metaphor lesson in mother-daughter retreats
25:06 Truth filter tool for moms and daughters
29:23 How a mother’s influence evolves
33:24 Traci’s podcast and self-compassion challenge
Mentioned in the Episode
Woman Lessons Podcast: https://tracipeterson.com/podcast
5-Day Compassion Challenge: https://tracipeterson.com/compassion-challenge
Preorder Carrie’s upcoming book, From Corset to Crown!
Get immediate access to the ebook and other special bonuses at: https://www.carrielupoli.com/corsettocrown
Carrie’s Live Event in Nashville in October (2026): https://www.disruptivenutrition.com/liveevent2026
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Other Related Episodes:
Looking for more tips to optimize your health? Listen to these episodes:
- Breaking the Cycle: How Moms Shape Their Children’s Relationship With Food and Self-Worth at Any Age
- We Don’t Care Club: Why Midlife Women Are Ditching Perfectionism
Transcript:
[00:00:00] Traci Peterson: As a mother, we need to stand firm in the truth about who they are and start teaching them and modeling them these woman lessons so that they can develop that true confidence. And that true confidence ultimately comes from self-trust. It's trusting their inner voice and helping them to learn how to validate themselves and not look for that validation, even in us as their moms.
[00:00:25] Traci Peterson: We shouldn't be their source of self-validation.
[00:00:29] Carrie Lupoli: So what if the most dangerous thing we could pass down to our daughters isn't, like, some sort of bad habit that we have, but a belief that we have? And we're not trying to pass it down with cruelty. Like, we love our kids, but that's how the corset gets laced.
[00:00:43] Carrie Lupoli: It's quiet. It's from generation to generation by the people who actually love us the most. Today's guest, Tracy Peterson, was standing at her sink when her nine-year-old looked up and said, "Mom, can we do woman lessons?" And then she listed them out: how to cook, [00:01:00] how to put together an outfit, and how to do her makeup.
[00:01:02] Carrie Lupoli: And when she had said this, Tracy was holding a fork, and right there, she was like, "I am at a fork in the road." She could take the easy road and be like, "Sure, that will be so much fun. Let's do that." She didn't. She actually asked herself, "Wait a minute. Is that what a woman is to my daughter? What do I actually want my daughter to become?
[00:01:23] Carrie Lupoli: And more importantly, who do I need to become first?" Because you can't teach what you don't believe. And Tracy is a board-certified nurse practitioner. She's an international speaker. She's an eight-figure business builder, and she is a woman who had to come face to face with her own corset because she realized she couldn't help her daughter take hers off because hers was sewn on her.
[00:01:46] Carrie Lupoli: This is one of my most favorite conversations I've ever recorded. We talk about what true confidence is actually built from, why the words I am are the two most powerful ones in a woman's life, what we're passing [00:02:00] down silently daily. She also gives us actual strategies and tools to be able to talk to our daughters regardless of how old they are.
[00:02:08] Carrie Lupoli: She shares a story in this episode that literally stopped me cold. Tracy is a crown straightener of the highest order. I can't wait for you to meet her.
[00:02:21] Carrie Lupoli: Well, today I have a crown straightener for you. Besides just me, Tracy Peterson, I like to refer to as a crown straightener as well. She is a board-certified nurse, nurse practitioner. She is a business leader. She is an international speaker. This woman is incredible. She has spoken to over, like, 26,000 people, performed in front of 100,000 people in, like, huge sports arenas.
[00:02:43] Carrie Lupoli: She has grown and scaled an eight-figure global wellness business. She has a private practice where she's treated over 7,000 women, and she was actually awarded the top teen business builder in 50 countries because of her leadership. I mean, her [00:03:00] resume is incredible, but I feel like one of the best things about Tracy Peterson is how she's raising her kids and her mother-daughter movement.
[00:03:09] Carrie Lupoli: I mean, you can have all sorts of accolades, but when you can figure out how to raise girls and teach other people how to do that, that to me is what us crown straighteners are all about. She has literally been working on mastering her role as a mom, a wife, a leader, a woman of faith. She helps other high-performing women feel whole in whatever roles that they're in, and they don't have to be perfect, and that's what we're all about here.
[00:03:35] Carrie Lupoli: So Tracy is going to dive into these topics with us today, but she also has her own podcast. I was recently on her podcast. I've known Tracy for years and years, but her podcast is called Women Lessons, and it's about how to be and raise a truly confident woman. I mean, if this couldn't be more up our alley on From Corset to Crown, then I don't know what is.
[00:03:55] Carrie Lupoli: But she is an expert at driving results and action in a very [00:04:00] no-nonsense way when it comes to business and parenting. So Tracy, welcome my friend.
[00:04:06] Traci Peterson: Keri, I just am so excited to be here. You know I'm your biggest fan, and so I'm excited to talk all things confidence. And I love that you brought up my kids, because they're kind of the, the shiniest and biggest jewel in my crown.
[00:04:21] Traci Peterson: They're three chaotic little jewels, but, um, they shine. They shine nonetheless, so I'm excited to be here.
[00:04:27] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. You and your husband Kyle are just such a great team. I love watching you guys in action. And you're a few years behind me in terms of ages of kids, and where, where kind of we are, so I love being able to talk about all the different things and the stages of development that we're in.
[00:04:45] Carrie Lupoli: And we're both raising girls, and so I think that the girl mom thing is real important for us to be able to talk about and learn from each other. So I wanna just first ask you a little bit about, your podcast is called Women [00:05:00] Lessons, and I think this is a good place to start because I know that certain things inspired you to actually start this podcast.
[00:05:06] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. So tell us about what that is, because I think the lessons that you learned that prompted Women Lessons are gonna be lessons that our listeners are gonna wanna hear and learn.
[00:05:16] Traci Peterson: Absolutely. Yeah, and it really all started in just a normal conversation. You know, being a busy working mom, and have been for my full career.
[00:05:26] Traci Peterson: This-- it all started really just in an afternoon after school. Uh, my daughter Quinn, who was nine at the time, she's 13 now, but she was nine at the time. Crazy. I know, isn't that wild? So crazy. Gosh, time flies so, so fast. Yep. And so when she was nine, she was sitting at, at the counter after school, and I was sitting in front, or standing rather, in front of the sink doing dishes.
[00:05:49] Traci Peterson: And I never do dishes, which is so funny. That's Kyle's role. Like, I am not a dish doer.
[00:05:54] I
[00:05:54] Carrie Lupoli: was gonna say, is that a boy job? I, it's
[00:05:55] Traci Peterson: like- It's a boy job
[00:05:56] Carrie Lupoli: in our house. Everything is boy jobs in my house now, just so you know. But yeah, [00:06:00] yep. Yeah, yeah. Dishwasher, dishes, boy jobs. Yep.
[00:06:02] Traci Peterson: So I just, I think it's so funny because I share sort of this origin story so, so much of my time, and I never do dishes.
[00:06:09] Traci Peterson: But now I'm always telling a story about me doing dishes. So people think I'm, you know, domestic in some way, which is m-much, that is not true. That is not the truth. You make beautiful
[00:06:18] Carrie Lupoli: cakes, so I have seen your cakes. That,
[00:06:19] Traci Peterson: I do. That is, that is the, the other, the other, um, jewel in, in my crown. Yeah. But that's all I do.
[00:06:25] Traci Peterson: I don't do dishes, I don't do laundry. Anyway, but I make a good cake.
[00:06:29] Carrie Lupoli: This is why you're a good leader, Trace, because you do nice delegation. But-
[00:06:35] Traci Peterson: I
[00:06:36] Carrie Lupoli: know my- ... I think Kyle and you are very similar in their boy job responsibilities.
[00:06:39] Traci Peterson: I know my strengths and I know where his lie. Plus, there's a right way and a wrong way to load a dishwasher.
[00:06:45] Traci Peterson: He let me know, and I do it the wrong way. So I'm very happy to let him do it the right way. Amen.
[00:06:49] Carrie Lupoli: Amen.
[00:06:50] Traci Peterson: But so nonetheless, I found myself doing dishes and putting dishes away while Quinn was sitting there. You know, the TV was on behind us. And I [00:07:00] remember like picking up a plate, and then I was thinking bowl, put the bowl away.
[00:07:04] Traci Peterson: And then I grab a spoon and put it away in the drawer. And then I saw that fork that always, there's always a fork that gets lodged like deep within the dishwasher. And so I, I'm reaching down- Yep ... and I grab this fork, and I stand up Right at the moment that my little squeaky-voiced nine-year-old asked me the question, "Mom, can we do woman lessons?"
[00:07:24] Traci Peterson: And
[00:07:25] Carrie Lupoli: oh my gosh.
[00:07:26] Traci Peterson: I know. As a nine-year-old. So it kinda caught me a little bit off guard, and I was like, "Sure, honey, like, we can do woman lessons. What, what does that even mean to you?" And she so thoughtfully, Carrie, said to me, she took a big deep sigh and goes, "Hmm. Well, I want to learn how to cook, I want to learn how to put together an outfit, and I wanna learn how to do my makeup."
[00:07:50] Traci Peterson: And I, I thought- Okay ... that is like the sweetest thing that I had ever heard.
[00:07:53] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah.
[00:07:53] Traci Peterson: But then, like, my high-performing, like, entrepreneur mom brain started spiraling and I'm like, [00:08:00] "Oh, no. Is that all that she thinks a woman is? Is what we look like, everything external, and our output, like what we do?" And I stood there with this fork in my hand and I said, "This could go one of two ways."
[00:08:16] Traci Peterson: Like, I'm at a literal fork in the road. Where, where I, where I could just keep it surface, high level, and be like, "Teach you how to do your makeup. We'll put together a mad outfit." Like, I got you, you know? Or I could take this other fork that allowed me to get a little bit introspective and look at myself and say, "What type of woman do I want her to grow up to be?
[00:08:41] Traci Peterson: Like, who do I really want her to become?" And ultimately, I want her to be truly confident. I want her to grow up to be a truly confident woman. And so where does true confidence lie? It lies in knowing who you are and whose you are, and it is not in [00:09:00] getting validation from the world. But it is knowing your identity, who you are, why God put you on this earth, developing those gifts and those talents that He gave to you.
[00:09:11] Traci Peterson: And ultimately, that's really what started and inspired Woman Lessons, which is seven lessons that not just 9 to 12-year-old girls need to learn, but to your point, I need to learn as a 43-year-old woman. And once I'm an empty nester, I need to learn these lessons. And they're, they're never-ending, and that's the beautiful part about growth, is that it's, it's, it's nonstop, it's lifelong.
[00:09:35] Traci Peterson: And it's been such a powerful thing to put together for Quinn by Quinn.
[00:09:40] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah, and here's th- what, what you just made me think about was this fork in the road for you was the fact that e- exactly what I talk about. I mean, the podcast is From Corset to Crown. The book is From Corset to Crown because at some point, and I always say it's between seven and nine years old, we get a corset put on us where we [00:10:00] believe because of cultural conditioning, the things that we've unconsciously said or done, the world has told them that their values and what they look like.
[00:10:09] Carrie Lupoli: And that's exactly the moment that Quinn was literally basically saying, "Can you lace up, lace up my corset, Mom?" And you knew enough To be like, "Wait, wait, wait, hang on." Like, this is a cr- a thing that I don't wanna pass on to her in the way that she's asking me. Right. And it's like right away you were like, "Oh honey, we're gonna put on the crown."
[00:10:30] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah. And I just think that is such a powerful moment that, I mean, I realized I was putting the corset on my kids when they started talking about calories, but I didn't know enough at all about my own self-worth to be able to even believe that there was another way to talk to my kids. Right. So kudos to you for recognizing it in the moment that this can't be the way that we move.
[00:10:57] Carrie Lupoli: Right.
[00:10:58] Traci Peterson: Yeah.
[00:10:58] Carrie Lupoli: Uh,
[00:10:59] Traci Peterson: huge. Well, and, [00:11:00] and, and to, to your point too, in the, in their psychosocial development from, it's actually 9 to 15, is in Erikson's work that he did on psychosocial development, their, the conflict that's happening in the lives of our children is identity versus confusion.
[00:11:16] Carrie Lupoli: Yes.
[00:11:17] Traci Peterson: And so they are trying to identify like, who, who am I- Mm-hmm
[00:11:22] Traci Peterson: outside of my immediate family that's been my comfort and my safe place? They start to have an awareness and other people's opinions outside of their family start- Yes ... to matter more to them. Yep. So that's why their teacher's opinion, their friend's opinion, their coach's opinion, the, it really starts to matter to them.
[00:11:41] Traci Peterson: And so that can be such a beautiful gift, but it can also be really scary, 'cause it, that's when the assaults happen. That's when the assaults on their identity and where tons of lies are being thrown at them, and they're being bombarded with all of these lies and messages. And so as, as a mother, [00:12:00] we need to stand firm in the truth about who they are and whose they are, and start teaching them and modeling them these woman lessons so that they can develop that true confidence.
[00:12:11] Traci Peterson: And that true confidence ultimately comes from self-trust. It's- Oh, I love that ... trusting their inner, their, their inner voice and- Yeah ... and helping them to learn how to validate themselves and not look for that validation. Even in us, as their moms, like we shouldn't be their source of, of self-validation.
[00:12:32] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah, you're making me think of two things right now. One is when I was a national educational consultant and I was actually working with educators to be able to change behaviors in their classroom, it really came from the teacher. And when the teacher would say, "I'm so proud of you," we'd actually work to change that language so that the kids weren't performing for the validation of a teacher.
[00:12:51] Carrie Lupoli: And, you know, that, that little shift was real hard for adults to be able to make because unconsciously this is just what we [00:13:00] do and how we talk. So you have to have a very level, high level of awareness to know why that actually could be somewhat debilitating long term. Sure. It just continues to tighten the corset.
[00:13:11] Carrie Lupoli: The other thing that you said was about modeling, and this is where I feel like you and I can get real and, and vulnerable a bit because I remember you were telling me at one point that as you were figuring out what the woman lessons needed to be, you actually had to come face to face with your own, your own corset that you had on regarding your-- Like, I mean, you are a deep woman of faith, and you know who you are- Yeah
[00:13:37] Carrie Lupoli: and whose you are, but there's still this moment that you said you were contending with around your body image and- Absolutely ... your own confidence when it comes to identity in what you look like. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit about that realization? Of course. Because I think it's- Yeah ... really, it's surface level.
[00:13:54] Carrie Lupoli: I, I think it's, it's easy to say, "This is what we're gonna say to our daughters," but you hit the nail on the head when you said you have to [00:14:00] model it, and you cannot teach what you don't believe.
[00:14:02] Traci Peterson: 100%. Because it comes, it, it comes back, again, to that external source of validation. We can put these beliefs on them and tell them, like, "You're a daughter of God.
[00:14:15] Traci Peterson: You are beautiful. You are smart." But if they don't believe it, and if they don't affirm it themselves, the two most powerful words in the world are I am, and to affirm means to give power to. So the word that comes after I am, you're giving power to. It's not, "My mom thinks I'm beautiful. My mom thinks I'm sm-" No.
[00:14:38] Traci Peterson: It's I am, right? It's a declarative, it's a declarative statement, and the word after that is what we give, is what we're giving power to. And so you- Right, and you
[00:14:46] Carrie Lupoli: need to be able to model that as- Yes ... a woman that believes that for herself.
[00:14:51] Traci Peterson: Yes. Yes, and that's really that next step of, of after my daughter Quinn asked me this question of, "Mom, can we do woman [00:15:00] lessons?"
[00:15:00] Traci Peterson: I just rattled out, I was like, "Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna teach you all the things," right? And I started listing out- Watch
[00:15:06] Carrie Lupoli: out. You don't know what you unleashed, lady.
[00:15:09] Traci Peterson: I know. I know, but it's true. It's totally true. Yeah. And so I just started rattling them off. I'm like, okay, I had to go through a lot of valleys to get to my peak, right?
[00:15:20] Traci Peterson: Like, where, where I'm at today. So I was like, okay, we're gonna teach you who you are and whose you are. We're gonna teach you about gratitude and how it grounds you. Um, lesson three was own your divine gifts. Lesson four was be self more, not self less. Lesson, lesson five is your community counts, who you surround yourself with.
[00:15:40] Traci Peterson: Do they see the good in you and celebrate the good in you? That's who you wanna be around. You call it a, a crown straightener, right? Yes. Yeah. I call it a candle lighter. We wanna light people up. Nice. And then number six is live in your potential. Always keep your eye on, on the prize of your, of your potential.
[00:15:57] Traci Peterson: But the last one I just [00:16:00] didn't know how to face. I didn't know how to approach it best, and that last lesson really came to me in the struggle. And the story that you're referencing is I re- I remember lying in my bed, and to, to your point, like, I, I knew these thing-- Like, I was writing these things down.
[00:16:20] Traci Peterson: Like, these are things that I had, that I had, that conquered and mastered. But I remember lying in my bed, and the very first thought that came into my mind when my eyes cracked open, I had any level of consciousness, my first instinct, Carrie, was to lift up my shirt and look at my stomach.
[00:16:39] Carrie Lupoli: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:40] Traci Peterson: And, and feel it.
[00:16:41] Carrie Lupoli: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:42] Traci Peterson: And that would tell me if I had been good the day before- Mm-hmm ... or if I had been bad the day before.
[00:16:47] Carrie Lupoli: Yep.
[00:16:48] Traci Peterson: And when I felt- Yep ... my stomach that day, I was like, "Oh, I've been bad."
[00:16:52] Carrie Lupoli: Mm-hmm. "
[00:16:52] Traci Peterson: I made bad choices. I overindulged." And then it started. "You're disgusting. You [00:17:00] have no willpower. Here we go again." You, you said it would be different this time.
[00:17:05] Traci Peterson: And then I stood up and I walked to my full-length mirror and I turned to the side and I body checked Which is a, a pattern of dis- disordered eating patterns.
[00:17:16] Carrie Lupoli: Yep. Yep.
[00:17:16] Traci Peterson: Of, of body image issues. And that barrage of negativity started again. And I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna have to restrict what I'm eating today.
[00:17:24] Traci Peterson: I'm gonna have to do double the
[00:17:27] Carrie Lupoli: cardio."
[00:17:27] Traci Peterson: You have to make up for it. Yep, I gotta do double the cardio. And just the-
[00:17:30] Carrie Lupoli: You gotta earn your worth.
[00:17:32] Traci Peterson: Yes. The negativity and the way that I was speaking to myself, in that moment I had this realization, not just that I would never let my daughter talk to herself that way, ever, let alone a best friend.
[00:17:45] Traci Peterson: But I realized in that moment, what I thought was my secret sauce, my superpower as a high-performing woman, which was this negative self-talk that was just me cracking the whip. Like, that is what I thought [00:18:00] was the fuel to my motivation, was all of this negative self-talk. What I thought was my superpower was actually just self-bullying.
[00:18:09] Carrie Lupoli: Mm-hmm.
[00:18:10] Traci Peterson: And you cannot self-bully your way to success. You have to self-love your way there.
[00:18:16] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah.
[00:18:16] Traci Peterson: And that is when it came into my mind, "You are more than your body, Tracy." And that's when I knew that that had to be the last woman lesson, because we have to- Oh, I need to step- We, we have to conquer it. We have to tackle it.
[00:18:32] Traci Peterson: And we'll never be perfect at it. It's not about arriving. It's not about mastering it. It's just being in pursuit of it. Absolutely. It's being in progress of it. Mm-hmm. And that- And aware ... that's when I knew. That's it.
[00:18:45] Carrie Lupoli: Just aware. Like, the moment we go back to some sort of negative self-talk, it's just like when I decide I'm gonna, like, if I go binge eat somewhere.
[00:18:55] Carrie Lupoli: Like, there's no guilt, it's just data. It's just like what was the trigger? Why? Like, I can just [00:19:00] look back and analyze. I think that's me as a behavior specialist. That's sort of what I tend to do. But I just think it's never gonna be perfect, and the awareness is health to me more than anything else. Yeah.
[00:19:13] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah.
[00:19:13] Traci Peterson: And you know, this, this goes back to, 'cause I'm a recovering perfectionist. I'm sure you have some recovering perfectionists or a perfectionist on the call. Recovering?
[00:19:21] Carrie Lupoli: I'm not even sure- ... recovering, but yes. No, I do have- Yes ... a new motto that done is better than perfect. But I also hate- So good ... rework, so, like, I'm struggling with that.
[00:19:30] Carrie Lupoli: I know. But it's okay.
[00:19:30] Traci Peterson: I know. It's, it's so true. But the biggest differentiator between a perfectionist and somebody who's striving for excellence, because that, I always, those are very close, closely linked. And I was like, well, I wanna be somebody who strives for excellence, 'cause that's my standard. But then I, I would, you know, lean into the, into the perfectionist category.
[00:19:51] Traci Peterson: The biggest differentiator between the two is when you fail, how do you talk to yourself?
[00:19:56] Carrie Lupoli: Hmm. Yes.
[00:19:58] Traci Peterson: Because the perfectionist is gonna be [00:20:00] self-berating, negative, "You're worthless. Here you go again. You're nothing," right? This is, like, this program that we keep playing. But somebody who's striving for excellence- Just looks at it as data.
[00:20:11] Traci Peterson: Well, okay. I-- But they don't, they don't lie to themselves. They see the reality and they're like, "Well, I messed up
[00:20:17] Carrie Lupoli: Yep.
[00:20:18] Traci Peterson: And I'm not perfect. There was only one perfect human on the earth, and his name was Jesus. Like, nobody else-- You're never gonna be perfect. So it's just- Yeah, I say that all
[00:20:25] Carrie Lupoli: the time ...
[00:20:25] Traci Peterson: it's just data.
[00:20:27] Traci Peterson: And I call it-- We just look for trends. We just look for patterns. And if you increase your level of awareness, like you've mentioned, and you can just identify a pattern, then you can say, "I don't like being here. I don't like this pattern, so what do I want instead?"
[00:20:42] Carrie Lupoli: Exactly. And that goes along with what you said at the very beginning, which I think is your first woman lesson, is knowing who you are.
[00:20:47] Carrie Lupoli: Because if you don't know who you are, you're never gonna be able to go back to, is this the person? Am I acting and doing and thinking and believing as the person who I know I am? Yeah. Because if we don't know who we are, that's going to be-- we're gonna be like a helium [00:21:00] balloon floating around.
[00:21:01] Traci Peterson: Yes.
[00:21:01] Carrie Lupoli: All right.
[00:21:01] Traci Peterson: Yes.
[00:21:02] Carrie Lupoli: So now, you've had this big realization. You realize what the seventh lesson is. How now are you teaching your daughter, and how are you sharing with other moms how girls are more than their body?
[00:21:15] Traci Peterson: Yeah. Such a great, such a great question. And we do, we do woman lesson retreats with moms and daughters between the ages of nine and 12.
[00:21:24] Traci Peterson: That's sort of our cohort. But then we have a new cohort that we're starting, 13 to 15, 'cause that's the thing, Carrie, is all these woman lessons, it's a multi-generational mother-daughter movement. For sure. This will continue to evolve and expand, because you're gonna need to know and learn about your divine gifts when you're an empty nester.
[00:21:44] Traci Peterson: You're gonna need to learn how, that you're more than your body when you're in your 60s. Like, 'cause your body's a little bit different in your 60s than it is in your 20s, right? So these are lessons that continue to evolve with you through your womanhood. And so I really teach you are more [00:22:00] than your body.
[00:22:00] Traci Peterson: You see-- I, I don't know if you can see, I have flowers here. I have flowers here. Yep. Yep. So I use a flower metaphor. And so when we, when we all get together, we actually teach them, these nine to 12-year-olds, 'cause they love activities. You've got-- We do like 20 minutes of, of an activity where we teach a behavior and a principle, and then we, it, we, you know, live it out real time.
[00:22:21] Traci Peterson: So I really wasn't even planning on sharing these flowers, but I literally have, like, beautiful flowers all around me.
[00:22:25] Carrie Lupoli: Let's go. Let's
[00:22:26] Traci Peterson: go. So, so we, so we teach through this metaphor. And I've had mothers walk away say, "I will never look at a flower arrangement the same way ever again." But so the vase is your vessel.
[00:22:39] Traci Peterson: It's your body. We need to take care of it. All that the vessel is is a house. It's a place for the flowers to live, right? Your flowers are your spirit. It's your characteristics. It's your personality. It's, it's who you are. It's who God created you to be, right? And then the water is the, is the living water.
[00:22:59] Traci Peterson: It's Jesus [00:23:00] Christ. Mm. Mm. It's your time spent in scripture, your spiritual time, your meditative time, and that's what keeps your spirit alive and growing. And so we talk about how really what we want to focus on is, is we say check your alignment. Because if you're looking at this Am I missing out on the beauty of the flower arrangement?
[00:23:23] Traci Peterson: I'm missing out on it if I'm solely focused on the vessel. It's really about checking your alignment and keeping everything in its proper perspective. And when you do that, you get to see the beauty of the flower arrangement. And here's the other thing. As things no longer serve you, maybe a little flower is dying or it no longer serves you- Yeah
[00:23:44] Traci Peterson: you can just take it out- Yeah ... and develop a new part of your spirit, your characteristics- Yeah ... new talents and abilities, because you are so much more than, than your body. And it's just a really simple metaphor. Obviously, we go a lot more, a lot more in depth- Yeah,
[00:23:59] Carrie Lupoli: no, [00:24:00] it's amazing ... with it,
[00:24:00] Traci Peterson: with it.
[00:24:01] Carrie Lupoli: It also makes me think about how like, uh, like, uh, you know, I always say comparison is really truly the disease, and you c- you don't-- Like, every single flower is so incredibly gorgeous and perfect, and a rose is a rose and can't be a calla lily.
[00:24:18] Carrie Lupoli: And yet they're both beautiful in their own way. It's funny that you say that because my mom actually drew a flower in every single chapter of my book, and at the end, all the flowers come together in a bouquet. Aw. And my mom, who had disordered eating, and her mom and me, you know, like, the whole goal is that we are changing our family trees with our children, because now that we know more, we can do more.
[00:24:42] Carrie Lupoli: And so I love that metaphor, that you're taking these flowers and really making them very practical for young girls. Can you imagine if you and I, if we had had this when we were their ages? Yeah. I mean, how different would it be? But I also love the, [00:25:00] you know, the blessings in the mess that we are all in so that we can help- Absolutely
[00:25:05] Carrie Lupoli: teach the next generation.
[00:25:06] Traci Peterson: So- And, and, and I think what it is, Keri, too, is it's giving moms the terminologies, the verbiage, the talk track, right? Because in one of our woman lessons of remember who you are and whose you are, we talk about the truth filter. It's like-
[00:25:21] Carrie Lupoli: Mm ...
[00:25:22] Traci Peterson: our daughters are getting bombarded with lies, lies in messaging, lies in media, lies in social media, even maybe lies from family members, right?
[00:25:31] Traci Peterson: Well-intentioned- Oh, yeah ... family members.
[00:25:33] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah.
[00:25:33] Traci Peterson: And so we teach them how to run everything through the truth filter, which is what does God say about me? What does the Spirit say about me? And, and what does the Word say about me? And if you run every single lie that your daughter hears from the world through this truth filter, and there's a practical application for it.
[00:25:51] Traci Peterson: I, I don't know if I mentioned this to you. It's a very real application. My daughter, Felicity, who's eight years old, just came to me on Monday of [00:26:00] this week, and she said, "Mom..." This is after a camp. She was gone for a little day camp. She comes home and she goes, "Mom, I need to talk to you privately."
[00:26:07] Carrie Lupoli: Oh, gosh.
[00:26:08] Carrie Lupoli: And I said, "Okay.
[00:26:09] Traci Peterson: We need to talk privately." So she lays on the couch. She's a little melancholy, and I kinda, like, lay and snuggle in, you know, with her. Yeah, yeah. And I said, "What's up?" And she said, "Well, I went to camp, and I had a crush on a boy, and I found out he liked me. And then at the end of camp, he changed his mind, and he swore at me, and then he said, and then he said, 'I hate the fat girl in the overalls.'"
[00:26:35] Carrie Lupoli: Oh- And I go, "Hmm" ... my gosh, Tracy. This is not where I thought this story was going.
[00:26:42] Traci Peterson: I know. And I go, "Hold on a minute." I go, I go, "Well," I'm like, "How did that make you feel?" I didn't-- So we have to validate whatever their experience is, right? Yeah. I don't wanna be like, "Stop it." Like, "You are not da, da, da, da, da."
[00:26:56] Traci Peterson: Right? That's our initial inclination, because the way that we were [00:27:00] parented is the easiest way for us to parent. Yeah.
[00:27:02] Carrie Lupoli: Yeah.
[00:27:02] Traci Peterson: Which would, which would invalidate her experience and her own feeling. I said, "How did that make you feel, Felicity?" She goes, "Well, it made me really sad." And I said, "It would make me sad, too."
[00:27:12] Carrie Lupoli: Mm-hmm.
[00:27:13] Traci Peterson: And I let her feel it, like just for a minute. She started welling up with tears, and I said, "Felicity-" Mm. I'm gonna cry. Oh. I said, "Felicity, isn't it sad how somebody can say a lie and it can make us feel bad?" And I said, "But you know that was a lie, right? That was a lie what he said." And she goes-- sh- you could fe- see that she was like, her little wheels were working.
[00:27:34] Traci Peterson: She goes, "Yeah, it was a lie." And I said, "So when we hear a lie, we need to put truth in its place." I said, "So what do you know is true? We need to put that lie through the truth filter. If somebody said that you're fat, is that true?" She goes, "No, that's a lie." And I said, "Okay, so what does God say about you?" I said, "You're his daughter.
[00:27:54] Traci Peterson: You're a daughter of God." But it wasn't from my external validation. I could've just come in and said, "You're a [00:28:00] daughter of God. You are smart." Yeah. "You are kind." Yep. It has to b- be believed by her and declared by her. And so she goes, "I am a daughter of God, and I am beautiful, I am smart, I am kind, I am a good friend."
[00:28:15] Traci Peterson: And I said, "Exactly." And then you just saw this layer by layer, Carrie, of confidence start flowing from her again, and she goes, "Okay." And she just went along with her day.
[00:28:28] Carrie Lupoli: Tracy.
[00:28:30] Traci Peterson: It's these one-minute moments. These- Yes ... one-minute moments.
[00:28:33] Carrie Lupoli: Yes. But you're giving us tools right now in terms of, like, that exact situation likely will not happen, right?
[00:28:42] Carrie Lupoli: To someone else. But what you just said, so we can generalize this, is that you validate what they're feeling, right? Instead of reacting, we're responding, and then letting them actually own the truth. I love the truth filter because that is [00:29:00] so powerful. But what we tell ourselves matters, and you're not just telling herself, telling her that, she's actually doing it.
[00:29:09] Carrie Lupoli: So I always say our goal as parents is to raise independent adults. You're giving her a skill set to use when you aren't around to cuddle her on the couch.
[00:29:17] Traci Peterson: Yes. Yes. And that's it. You nailed it. Like, that's, that's the end goal.
[00:29:22] Carrie Lupoli: I mean, really. So the only caveat here, and it's not a caveat, but it's a little asterisk where when moms say But my daughter's 30 or 40, right?
[00:29:34] Carrie Lupoli: And I've already-- To your point, women lessons continue to evolve regardless of how old we are. So I love that you're doing these mother-daughter types of things because, like, I know that my relationship with my two girls at 20 and 21 is still so important- So important ... and so powerful. Both girls today were literally calling and saying, okay, one of them had [00:30:00] all sorts of things going on at work, and the other one had all sorts of things going on in her personal life.
[00:30:05] Carrie Lupoli: And we processed through it together, and I still have the opportunity to, to model and to teach and to mentor and to coach my 20-somethings. And I think that it, this concept that you're teaching isn't reserved for an eight-year-old.
[00:30:20] Traci Peterson: No.
[00:30:20] Carrie Lupoli: It's reserved for a relationship that is based in love and trust, and when one woman straightens the other woman's crowns.
[00:30:27] Carrie Lupoli: And at some point, our daughters can do that for us because we're all gonna continue to evolve. I love it. Yes.
[00:30:33] Traci Peterson: Yes. You, you, you absolutely, you absolutely nailed it. Our influence as a mother and our influence as a woman never stops. It just shifts. It changes. And that's the thing is this, this womanhood that we live in and then this role of, of, of motherhood that, that we've all stepped into, it evolves.
[00:30:56] Traci Peterson: It evolves over time, but truth is always truth, [00:31:00] and, you know, it just, it, it needs to be tweaked a little bit as we, as we age and as we get older. I mean, your, your role of making your daughters meals and their food, right? Like, you're the one providing the food for them. Like, no. Like, you're just gonna teach them cor- correct principles, and then we let them govern themselves when they, when they grow up.
[00:31:19] Traci Peterson: And so this, this phase and this time while they're within our home is so critical, of course, especially as they're developing that identity versus, versus confusion, and so we need to be teaching them truth every single
[00:31:33] Carrie Lupoli: day.
[00:31:33] Traci Peterson: 100%. And mothers need to not be afraid to teach truth.
[00:31:38] Carrie Lupoli: Well, the loudest voice will win, whether it's true or not, so our voice has to be the loudest.
[00:31:44] Traci Peterson: Absolutely.
[00:31:45] Carrie Lupoli: Because if, if it's not, and w- we're reminding them of truth, then really truly the evil will Set- Wins ... it will. It will try to win.
[00:31:55] Traci Peterson: Yeah.
[00:31:55] Carrie Lupoli: One of my clients and who works for me, she's 67, and we were just talking about how her [00:32:00] daughters in their late 40s are ... Now, she had a problematic relationship with them for a long time, but because she has been really healing, it's been an incredible opportunity for her to heal that relationship with her daughters, and she's doing a lot of these kinds of things with her daughters now.
[00:32:16] Carrie Lupoli: So I just love that it's the principles, not necessarily the age. But of course, if you are a mom of young kids, like, take the opportunity, 'cause it's right here in front of you.
[00:32:26] Traci Peterson: It is. It is
[00:32:27] Carrie Lupoli: absolutely. It is. But we do have to-- You do, like what you said, you gotta, like, lay in the bed, look at your stomach, and make some decisions about how you are showing up for yourself, whether or not that corset was gonna stay on you or you were gonna replace it with your own crown.
[00:32:39] Carrie Lupoli: So-
[00:32:40] Traci Peterson: Yeah ...
[00:32:40] Carrie Lupoli: I
[00:32:40] Traci Peterson: love- And take, and take, and take the step Because it doesn't matter where you're at on the age spectrum, that if you take a health principle or you take a truth and you start to implement it, it, it will have influence over your future.
[00:32:54] Carrie Lupoli: Absolutely.
[00:32:54] Traci Peterson: Absolutely. So it's never too late to improve a relationship.
[00:32:57] Traci Peterson: It's never too late to start learning to [00:33:00] love your body at every single stage and age, and then that influence will, will trickle down to your posterity and to the people around you, and that is how we start to, to change our family tree and choose something that's better and something that's, that's different.
[00:33:16] Traci Peterson: And, you know- So great ... it's, it, it, it really is. It's such a moving work and it's such an important work.
[00:33:23] Carrie Lupoli: I mean, totally. So I wanna make sure everybody knows how to find your podcast because it's a really powerful one that if you like this, just hold your horses, ladies. Because the whole podcast series is great.
[00:33:35] Carrie Lupoli: It's called Women Lessons. We'll put it in the show notes, but you can just tell us for people that are, like, wanting to hear about it right now. Tell us where it is.
[00:33:41] Traci Peterson: Yeah, it's on Spotify, it's on Apple. It's entitled Woman Lessons with an S, and it's how to be and raise a truly confident woman. And then you can also follow me on social media as well, on Instagram.
[00:33:53] Traci Peterson: My personal handle is @tpeet, and then the Mother Daughter Movement, so it's [00:34:00] motherdaughtermovement on, on Instagram. Perfect.
[00:34:01] Carrie Lupoli: Perfect. And then you also have a really cool thing that people could opt into right now called the Compassion Challenge. Yes. Because I love this so much as, like, a tool for us to start tapping into right away.
[00:34:14] Carrie Lupoli: Tell us about what that is.
[00:34:15] Traci Peterson: Yes. So you can just go to my website traceypetersen.com, Tracy's with an I, Petersen's with an O-N. And the very first thing that'll pop up is this really simple five-day challenge. It's just a self-compassion challenge. Nice. In all of the roles that we play as, as women, as a mother, in our work, as a daughter of God, as spouses, all of these things, we need to be showing ourselves some self-compassion, and that will help you jumpstart your way to true confidence.
[00:34:41] Traci Peterson: It's free and it's easy and simple, and you'll get a text, you'll get a little video from me every day, too. And so you can just start your way on your journey of just
[00:34:50] Carrie Lupoli: true confidence. Oh, I am opting into this right after this. I am so excited. I would love for you to put in the comments, make sure you subscribe, like this channel, this [00:35:00] podcast, and then put in the comments what are the things that you're taking away from this.
[00:35:03] Carrie Lupoli: Because Tracy literally just dropped so much gold, not even just in the concepts, but in some practical tools for you to be able to use as well. So what resonated the most with you? Make sure you share it with a friend, another woman that has a daughter that needs to hear this message, too. Tracy, you're the best.
[00:35:23] Carrie Lupoli: I love that we hang out and that we can- I know, Carrie ... share our passions with other people. I'm so excited.
[00:35:29] Traci Peterson: Oh, I just love you and I love the work that you do, you're doing. You know, everything with, with nutrition and mindset and behavior modifications and everything. You know, we're just, we're two little peas in a pod, so I'd love to
[00:35:40] Carrie Lupoli: know- I know.
[00:35:41] Carrie Lupoli: Like, we're so synergistic, it's really fricking awesome.
[00:35:44] Traci Peterson: It, it's really, really awesome. Yeah. And that, like, that is what it's supposed to be. Yes. Like, I feel zero competition with you. I'm just like, yes, we need more women who believe the same things and are teaching the same truths. That, like, that is what it's about.
[00:35:59] Traci Peterson: It's [00:36:00] about collaboration, and I believe that there is nothing that a group of powerful women who know who they are, who know what their divine gifts are, and who are living in their potential cannot accomplish together.
[00:36:11] Carrie Lupoli: A- and so much better together. Like, I couldn't have shared all this stuff the way you did if you weren't here.
[00:36:17] Carrie Lupoli: Like, this matters. It's so great. So make sure you guys go connect with Tracy. Tell us all in the comments what you're loving about this, and I will see you on the next episode of From Corset to Crown. Thanks, guys.
